I have taken yet another step away from the love that had been. I know he thinks he loved me, but I often wonder if he did. If he truly knew what it meant to love someone else. To put someone else's needs before your own. To be willing to give up something you needed for what someone else wanted.
I tried to give him a chance to fight for me, to say to not take the step away, but he didn't. I have to say that I wasn't surprised, but I guess I was and I have to admit it hurt a little. But it didn't hurt as much as it has in the past. I guess there has been more healing then I thought there was.
As I continue to step in faith, I'm less and less sure what my future holds. Have I made the right choices? Have I sought after God enough? Have I sought after things that I shouldn't have? Am I protected enough not to accept a love that will just bring me pain?
I'm so scared of love again. Why oh why do I seek something other than the perfect love of my perfect husband in God.
I've opened myself up to vulnerable again and I hate. I'm tired though of trying to get this man to pick me over the women he left me for.
I'm still so very confused.
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Thank you for taking the time to read this. If you are someone walking in the shadows of an affair I do hope that you have found some encouragement. If you just know someone who is dealing with these issues, I do hope that you can find a little more understanding.