Healing

I know in my heart I need to move on. I can't keep clinging to some hope that he will return, even though I want him to. I have to let go, and just put him in the hands of God and ask God to deal with my husband.

For 21 years (yeah, even this past year as our marriage died) I have believed in the man that I love. But I am now at the point where, while yes I still cling to God and know that He can change the impossible. I have given up hope that my husband will choose to do what is right. That he will choose to seek God's grace and forgiveness. In some ways I wonder if he actually understands what grace and forgiveness really mean. Does he understand that the power to change doesn't come from his own will but through the grace of God? I don't know and that worries me most of all.

Even if my marriage ends here, even if he commits himself to love her he still needs to know God's grace and forgiveness. Otherwise the guilt will become something eating at him always. Not the guilt that will cause him to repent, but the guilt the enemy will bring, the lies. For too long he has believed the lies, and my heart breaks, because I feel that is what he is doing even now. Believing lies about who he is and who he could be.

So as I start down the road of leaving so many of my hopes and dreams behind. As I look to a new future and seeks a new life all I can do is pray that he will get it. And that the healing he so badly needs will come.