The divorce is final

I'm not really sure what to think. It has been over a week since it became final. I am having a lot of moments of missing my husband like crazy. (Yes, I still think of him as my husband. A piece of paper in the courts of this world cannot break the covenant that was before God.)

I feel like I need to stop here. There is so much more emotion I want to share, but right now is not the time.

If you see this... I love you.

my world is caving in on me

Every dream I have ever had is now crushed.

You say you care, but your actions say you don't.

I'm being forced to do things we as a couple never wanted.

I'm lonely and scared.

I always knew that with you by my side that no matter what came at us we would make it.... now I don't know how I will make it.

I want to be a better mom....

I want to be a better friend.....

I want to be a better....... wife

Bon Jovi - This Ain't A Love Song

I guess I have to admit that this song kinda sums up how I am feeling right now. I saw you today and all  I wanted to do was to beg you to not go back to her. Stay with me. We can make it work. But you are so down on yourself that you feel like this is where you have to stay because this is what you "deserve."  I wish I could get you to know the truth, but I never really could.